Parting
by Daine
Summary: Snape didn't try just once to regain Lily's friendship. One of his attempts, however, was the last.


**Summary**: Severus tries again to apologize to Lily. Lily doesn't understand.

**Disclaimer**: Not mine.

**Parting**

Lily left the library as it was closing, one of half a dozen students who had also decided to research somewhere besides their course textbooks for their latest essay. Immune by her sixth year, she completely ignored the baleful looks the librarian sent her as she slipped through the door – though she did secure her grip on the three precious library books she cradled in her arms.

As she turned into the corridor, her fingers constricted reflexively. Lily set off towards Gryffindor Tower at a fast walk, refusing to lower her head or glance to either side, clutching the books to her chest.

She had made it barely halfway when the expected voice came to her ears. Her grip tightened so much it hurt where the hard edges dug into her fingers. She wouldn't stop. She had said all that she had to say to him, and she wouldn't try again. She had thought that one terrible summer would be enough to convince him, but here they were, three weeks into the school year and she had not yet walked alone in the corridors without him appearing.

From the corner of her eye, Lily saw movement in the hallway to her left. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of slowing down. He had to learn she meant it when she told him that their friendship was over.

Footsteps almost startled her into breaking her stride. Against her will, her heart began to pound. This was new. He had never followed her before, never pursued her past a few spoken attempts to catch her attention. An emotion pulsing unevenly between anger, desperation, and despair began to rise in her throat. Why couldn't he let this go? Why wouldn't he leave her alone?

"Lily." She ignored him. "_Lily_."

She had heard him desperate before. His second pronouncement of her name went deeper than that. She couldn't stop herself from turning, looking at him for the first time. Severus matched her step for step down the hallway, staring at her intensely, and despite his maintaining a careful distance between them she suddenly felt cornered. Severus would not stop following her tonight until he said what he had come to say.

Anger boiled up within her, chasing away the unease. Abruptly she stopped. He stopped too, startled, and for a moment Lily had to look away, hardening her heart against the painful hope blooming in his eyes. She was not going to change her mind.

"Lily –"

"Say what you have to say and then leave," she interrupted. "You've already heard everything from me."

The hope died, and Lily nearly felt glad. But Severus drew himself up, and when he spoke, his voice was almost steady. "Lily. Listen. I made a mistake, and I know it. But we've been friends for _years_. Can you really leave me over one mistake? _One_?"

His words _hurt_, not least because she wanted them to be true. If it were a matter of one mistake – she didn't _want_ to lose her oldest and dearest friend. But if he couldn't understand even the fact that it wasn't 'one mistake' that sparked her decision –

"It isn't one mistake. It's everything the mistake stands for." Her heart ached, and she didn't know whether she was more angry or sad. "You can't bully first-years because of their blood and expect me to be okay with it. You can't believe that Muggleborns are, are dirty and somehow leave me out of it, and you can't talk about joining Lord Voldemort and killing Muggleborns and think I would possibly find that okay!"

She was shouting now, having regained the fuel of her righteous anger as she remembered that awful day. That day when she could no longer pretend that her friend was different, that everyone else was wrong about him – when all the things she had seen and disbelieved could no longer be ignored.

So she was a little surprised when Severus turned on her, eyes flashing, shouting her down as if he had been the one wronged.

"It isn't _like_ that! Merlin, Lily, how can you possibly believe that I would join someone who wanted to _kill_ you?" Her mouth dropped open in shock, but Severus kept going, his face mad in the half-darkness at the edge of the wall where he stood. "Maybe I have thought about joining Lord Voldemort, but that's certainly not why! He doesn't want to kill Muggleborns, Lily, he just wants to cleanse the bloodline – find a way to contain the magical strain – "

"And you think that's so much better? To _cleanse_ us? Do you even hear yourself?" Fury made it difficult for her to breathe, and easily consumed the bitter disappointment with his answer that had surprised her with its strength. "If Voldemort had his way I would never even have come here, and you wouldn't have either! Or did you forget somewhere that your blood is just as dirty as mine?"

He made a strangled sound and stepped towards her, into the light, and if Lily hadn't been so angry she would have taken a step back at the look in his eyes. Half-lit in the shadows, his face had been monstrous, but the direct light of the torches was no more flattering to his features. There was a wildness in his look that managed to penetrate even Lily's shield of fury.

"Don't you understand how lucky you were? How..._unbelievable?_ Your parents found out you were a witch and just – just smiled, and nodded, and took you to Diagon Alley like they couldn't be happier –"

"Why shouldn't they be happy for me?" Lily demanded. "I never thought you of all people would fall into that stupid trap of thinking that Muggleborns shouldn't do magic – when even your father was –"

Severus exploded. "Don't EVER mention my father to me here! He's the reason that I – that I can't – don't you GET it, Lily? He was a bastard before, but he never _hated_ us until he knew I was a wizard. He never –" He cut himself off so sharply that it seemed like he had swallowed his own tongue.

"Don't you understand?" he continued, softer now but no less upset. "Or do you not realize it yet? You can never go back there."

She stared at him, uncomprehending, a dark place threatening to open up beneath her heart. "Go where?"

"Go home," he responded, fixing her with the most intense version of his stare. "Do you think your parents will be able to introduce you at dinner parties, their daughter with no education, no career, no friends? You have no skills, according to the Muggles. You have no records. You are _nothing_ to them. All your friends you once knew are gone, or they will be, because you can't talk to them about anything that matters. The whole world will change and forget you, and you can never go back."

Her anger had evaporated under his chilling stare. She fought to return his gaze. "That's ridiculous," she snapped at last, but she couldn't seem to think of anything else to say.

"Is it?" He didn't wait for a response. "Your old world is gone, and this one doesn't want you. No matter how long you spend here, you'll always be different. Things that wizarding children take for granted, the habits and stories and children's games that everyone knows, you'll never understand, never fit in – never anywhere – Muggle, wizard, what the hell does it matter?" His voice had risen throughout his speech until he was nearly shouting. He paced frenetically back and forth, eyes glittering in the flickering light, looking like nothing so much as a feral beast. He looked away from her, breathing hard. "It doesn't matter where you go when either place rejects you."

Hurt, anger, and what might have been the beginnings of pity rose in Lily's heart as she looked at him, straggly and ugly in the unforgiving torchlight. Then Severus spoke.

"Don't you see, Lily?" he asked again, his voice hoarse with desperation. "It would be so much better if they didn't exist."

His words thundered into her soul and stopped her breath.

He was still speaking. "There has to be a way. There _has_ to, and I'll find it; I'll make sure it can't happen again – that there aren't any more people like us –" Severus stopped talking only when Lily's fist came slamming into his jaw.

He cried out in shock and pain, and staggered back to stare at her, disbelief and horror written across his face. Lily didn't care. Tears burned down her cheeks, and with all her soul she wanted to hit him again – anything to make the hateful words stop. "Stop it," she screamed, hating the way her voice shrilled. "Stop it, how dare you, how _dare_ you say it would be better if I were dead!"

He reeled back another few steps. "No – Lily, I didn't – Lily!" He cried out her name as she stumbled back and made to turn away from him. Instantly he reached forward, catching her arm, desperation making his grip too hard and too tight. She screamed and shook him off.

"Don't touch me!" He backed off, barely far enough to keep her from hitting him again.

"Lily –"

"No!" She began backing down the corridor. "Don't talk to me. Don't say a word to me, _Snape_."

"But –"

"NO!" Her wand was out before she could think, bringing him up short as he tried to follow her. For an interminable minute they stared at each other.

It was Lily who broke the silence. "I can't _believe_ we were friends."

Severus staggered, as if her words had struck him. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Lily spoke again, a terrible coldness freezing her heart, her mind, and the brittle words that threatened to stick in her throat. "Don't speak to me again."

Something in the deadness of her tone finally penetrated Severus' frantic visage. He stilled, staring at her, and she knew he understood.

Without speaking, Lily sheathed her wand. Then she turned on her heel and walked as evenly as she could in the direction of the portrait hole. The echoes of her footsteps taunted her in the otherwise silent hallway.

Snape did not follow.


End file.
